Kacee pisses me off

Hey. I haven't been on for quite a while and i just wanted to talk about life. My life has been nothing but hectic. I have had track and soccer, girlfriend (which is a bonus), friends, church, my eagle project, scouts, and so much more. I just need a break. I have been talking to my gilfriend lately and i have noticed that i am pushing her away more than pulling her closer. I am getting the idea that I am a crappy boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like she is going to break up with me, because she doesnt want to hang out with me much anymore. I know the reason for that i think but still that is kinda of upsetting. I need help and some advice about what to do. I am trying to be a great boyfriend, but i am failing at it. I keep on telling myself that i will make it better, but i always keep screwing up. It feels like I dont do much right anymore, and i am just wrong. I wish i knew how to flip it, but i dont. I am scared I am going to lose her to a better guy, cause I really care about her and wish i could be with her for a long time. I just wish i could see her more often. Well i guess i screwed that up as well. I should probably just stop trying so hard in life and just quit trying while i am ahead. any comments would be greatly appreciated.

what should i do to make it better?

So I pretty much screw up everything i do. I do something great and then go right back against that and screw it up. I try to be the best for my girlfriend but i always end up messing it all up. I love spending time with her, I love being with her, I love talking to her, and most important i just love her. She is the one thing that makes me happy no matter what, all the time. I dont want to lose that feeling that I get from being with her but it seems like i am forcing so much on her. I think I am starting to cause her more stress than school usually does. I just wish that i could quit doing things wrong. I know she thinks we should break up, but i dont know why she hasnt yet. I guess i am just getting lucky to have her as my girlfriend. She means so much to me and i have already lost her once. That feeling i got when we weren't together was almost unbearing and i have no idea how to explain it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

my date

I had the most amazing date with my most amazing girlfriend. This date consisted of a snowmachine ride ( yes snow machine because snow mobile is just weird lol) up to the moose creek bluff where we watched the sunset, I almost saved a guy who fell into the river ( dont worry he got out just as I climbed down the mountain and then had to climb all the way back up), then we counted cars lol that was the most fun thing lol.
After that fun i had to drive us back. I was so impressed with myself. I only got lost once, but i found my way back. Then I had to face the almost impossible task. I had to warm her up from our two hour ride. This was easier than i thought though because she is just so warm inside and has such a strong heart that she did most of the work herself. I still made her hot chocolate, got her a blanket, and made her cinimon rolls. The one thing i regreted the most about this date is that this was the last time that we will get to see eachother for a while. I just wish we could be together for a long time. Is that so hard to ask. We only get to see each other once a week. that is so hard for me. I just want her to know that. I care about her so much and I am so worried that I will lose her to someone else she gets to see more often. This isnt her fault, its mine. I have been dumped and left for other guys a good amount of time in this past year that even though she means so much to me and has proven that she wont leave me, I still think she will. Kacee if you read this I just want you to know that I am sorry for everything I have put you through in these wonderful months together, and I hope we will have many more to come.
Now to deal with the hardest problem less. i have to try not to miss her so much lol, lets see how long it takes before I feel like I cant be without her. I give it three days. Ya sweetheart you mean that much to me and don't forget it.

first blog

The past few days have been quite enjoyable, sleeping in until like 1 in the afternoon, hanging out with my girlfriend, my family, and my friends, going snowboarding, and just everything else. The also drain the life out of me. It is so hard to keep going when it seems like a lot is being taken from you as well. As college keeps creeping closer and closer, I keep losing more and more time for myself. I just want to be in middle school again. If anyone knows of a time machine let me know.
Well thats it for my first blog. let me know how i did.